Archive for May, 2008

F U ESPN!!!!!!

Posted in Uncategorized on May 30, 2008 by cerebralpunishment

ESPN used to be the one channel that I could always count on.  It was the channel where I could go to get away from things like “The Food Network”, “DIY TV”, and “HGTV”.  But now, it’s no longer the case.  ESPN has pulled an evil hat trick, and now they must pay!

First, they decide that hockey does not deserve the coverage of the other “major” sports (more on that later).  Right now, the Stanley Cup finals are in full swing, and this shit channel doesn’t even mention it until the second hour of Sports Center.  Come on!  Unlike Major League Baseball, the National Football League, and basketball (which isn’t even really a sport…..anything played in prison for recreation is not a “real” sport) this is the one sport that is truly international.  I guess it has to be a sport played in third-world countries to get coverage.  Get your shit together ESPN, and start covering hockey the right way.

Second, they decide to cover things that really aren’t sports.  NASCAR (drive fast, slow down, turn left, repeat), poker (are you fucking kidding me?), bowling, and now THE SPELLING BEE.  Holy shit…when did this become a sport?  I wanted to see some kids cry today, so I decided to turn this abomination on.  This was the entire show in a nutshell:

Judge:  Your word is “oleocellosis”

Nerdy Kid:  What is the origin of the word?

Judge:  It is a Latin word.

NK:  Are there any other pronunciations?

Judge:  No

NK:  Can you use that in a sentence?

Judge:  Sure.  You have a better chance of spelling “oleocellosis”    then not getting the shit beat out of you for being a nerd.

These annoying little shit heads better enjoy their 15 minutes of fame….it will be over soon. 

Finally, ESPN has done the unthinkable.  ESPN (which apparently mean “Everything Sox, Patriots, & New England”) has a radio station in Pittsburgh and has decided to fire their afternoon talk show host Mark Madden for questionable remarks about Senator Ted Kennedy.  Here is what Mr. Madden said:

“I’m very disappointed to hear that Senator Ted Kennedy of Massachusetts is near death because of a brain tumor. I always hoped Senator Kennedy would live long enough to be assassinated.”

My personal feeling for Kennedy aside, I, as a comedian, find this hilarious.  ESPN hired “Double M” because he is edgy.  Most people feel this was just an excuse to let Mark go.  In the past, Mr. Madden has spoken out about ESPN, his bosses, and the Disney Corp (which owns ESPN) in the past……and now they found their reason for termination.  This strikes me as odd.  This is the same company that hires the likes of Steven A. Smith and Stewart Scott.  The comments that come from these ass clowns are bigoted and overtly racist, but ESPN will not touch them.  Meanwhile, Mark Madden was bringing in a 8.7 share (which is unheard of in sports talk radio) and they cut him loose.  Keep your head up Mark, I am sure you will be picked up by the competition, and the muzzle will be removed.

So, I am done with you ESPN.  Keep up your subpar programming and your anti-hockey ideals.  All Hail Fox Sports Network! Hey ESPN…can you spell “GOFUCKYOURSELF”?

Till next time….drinks on me,

BL

 

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