Archive for August, 2008

Olympic after thoughts.

Posted in Uncategorized on August 30, 2008 by cerebralpunishment

 Well, it’s been a week, and I am finally over my case of “Olympic Fever”.  I hate to say it, but there was really NO amount of drinking I could do to make this shit interesting to me.  Oh, I tried…but I just couldn’t get excited about these games.  I did however, find some things to rant about.

-It was the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat for Americas’ “Dykes on Spikes”…also know as the women’s’ soccer and softball teams.  First, the thrill of victory as the soccer team won the gold medal.  Now all they need to do is melt down those medals, sell the gold, and take the money and spend it on boob jobs for the whole team….maybe they will at least LOOK like women.  Oh, and the agony of defeat for the softball team as they suffered their first loss in years.  Never fear though.  I am sure that they all had a long shower after the game and everything was better.

-Why is everyone making a big deal about the men’s’ basketball team?  I mean, come on…they just beat a bunch of short white guys.

-Congratulations to the Communists for finding a brand new way to cheat.  In the old days, it was performance enhancing drugs or threats of death if the athlete lost…but they really outdid themselves this year.  Underage kids in women’s’ gymnastics….absolutely brilliant.  Stellar job by the Olympic Committee (the sporting worlds’ version of the United Nations….and just as corrupt) in turning a blind eye to ensure the host country got the benefit of the doubt.  On a positive note…..viewership by pedophiles increased by 200%. 

-Want to make the games more exciting?  I think they should replace Free Style and Greco-Roman wrestling with PROFESSIONAL wrestling!  We would so kick every ones ass.  What ya gonna do, when Olympic Hulkster runs wild on you?

– And finally, Americas’ golden boy Michael Phelps won his 8 gold medals.  Good for him.  Now it’s time for him to take all that aquatic ability and do something worthwhile.  Hey Mikey, get out of the pool, get your ass down to the recruiting office, join the Navy and do something for your country that actually matters.

Ok, I had enough of this.  Check back in two years and we can all make fun of the Winter Games together.


Till next time….drinks are on me,


Random Rants for August 2008

Posted in Uncategorized on August 13, 2008 by cerebralpunishment

Hello again, everyone.  Time for another round of Random Rants.

– After living in Southern Maryland, I now understand why it’s the small towns that produce so many serial killers.

– I finally got to see the new Batman movie, but before I saw it, some jerk had already ruined it for me and gave away the most important part.  Did you know, that Batman is really Bruce Wayne.  Yeah, me neither…sorry if I ruined it for you.  On another note, The Joker was awesome!  Whoever played that role has some career ahead of him.  What?  Still too soon for Heath Ledger jokes?  Screw it, here’s another.

– Stories are still going around that portraying The Joker possibly played a role in Heath Ledger’s death.  Rumor has it, the preparation he did to get into character had left such dark and sinister psychological scars on him that it may have contributed to his “accidental suicide”.  Hmmm, you would think being ass-jacked by a gay cowboy on the big screen would leave a far worse impression on someone.

– I use to complain about not having shoes until I met a man who had no feet… I took his shoes…..after all, what does he need them for?

– Has anyone else had enough of Kenny Chesney?  Ok, first we had to listen to his pseudo-country music, which was bad enough.  But now he is calling his new concert series the “Poets and Pirates Tour”?  Let’s get this straight….you are not now nor will you ever be Jimmy Buffett…so quit trying.  Just go the fuck away, already!

– Ultimate Fighting champ Tito Ortiz and former porn star Jenna Jameson are going to have a child together.  This is VERY disturbing.  However, I would love to be in that class room the first time the teacher asks the students what their parents do for a living.  “Uh, my parents both take shots to the face…..if you know what I mean”.

– I don’t like it when people collect Beanie Babies and keep them in cases around their houses.  Free-range Beanie Babies taste much better.

– And finally… the end of the day…isn’t it really just all about cookies and blowjobs?

Till next time….drinks are on me,