2009 New Year Resolutions

Happy New Year, my semi-loyal Lee-tards!  Time again for those pesky New Years Resolutions.  I waited a few extra days before I finally decided on mine….I think that way, I might have a better chance of keeping them.  So, what have we got in store for this year?  I resolve to:

– Bring back the words “Skulduggery” and “Nefarious”.  They are not used nearly enough.

– Eradicate the ESPN empire.  Time for those Yankee-loving, New England jock-sniffing, no-hockey-showing, poker-is-not-a-sport-but-we show-it-anyway, desk jockey clown punchers to pay for their blatant racism, favoritism, and any other “ism” I can think of.

– No longer attempt to “rebuild old bridges”, but instead focus on what the asshole on the other side of the bridge did to make me burn it, then figure out a way to launch missiles and bombs and implements of destruction across that gap onto said asshole.  Quite frankly, I don’t like building bridges… I have people that handle my manual labor for me, anyway.

– Not be swayed into thinking that a great set of tits make up for lack of intelligence and personality.

– No longer check to see if a joke offends someone before I say it.  Call it comedy…call it satire…call it whatever you want….just deal with it.

– And to go along with the last one….more Heath Ledger jokes in 2009.

– Give up on watching baseball until they get a salary cap….unless I can get some material to bash the Yankees, Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, or any of the other steroid boys.

I think that’s a good start.  So, let’s hear it….what are your resolutions? 

Till next time…drinks are on me,


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