Let’s Just Kiss…and Say Goodbye.

Dear Maryland,

We all knew this time would come, but I think I finally need to come out and tell you:  I am leaving you.  See, I met someone else.  Her name is Monterey California.  She is beautiful, smart, friendly, sexy, adventurous, a little naughty, and a great cook….you know, all the things you are not.  I wish I could say that meeting her is the only reason I am leaving you, but there are so many more, and I need to get them off my chest.

First of all, I don’t like the way you drive.  You are possibly the worst driver I have ever seen..and I have lived in Europe.  You drive slow in the passing lane, pass on the right, run red lights, and sit at green lights.  No matter what you think, you are not so important that you can illegally park in every fire lane in town.  And the sad thing is, no matter how often you do it, the “boys in blue” never do anything about it.

I don’t like the fact that you can’t decide if you are “city” or “country” or “coastal” or “ghetto” or what.  Just who are you?

I don’t like the fact that you cheer for the Ravens and the Capitals.  I have tried to educate you on the error of your ways when it comes to sports, but you will never understand.  You will never know the greatness that is the City of Champions.

I don’t like the fact that you think the Olive Garden is “fine dining”.

I don’t like your friends.  Oh, some of your friends are fine…the Money Chicks, the OBP’s…ok, that’s about it.  But how you could hang out with people like Bicycle Boy, Frankenstein, Lackey #1, the Kool-Aid Kid, and the Mavericks is beyond me.

I do have to admit, however, that she does drive just like you…however, she does it in a BMW instead of a be-stickered Mustang or a Rolling Tomb Stone.

There is so much more, but I guess I have said enough.  It was never meant to be.  You might find another like me, but I highly doubt you will EVER get that lucky.  I guess all I can do is wish you the best of luck.  Let’s just kiss, and say goodbye.

Till next time…drinks are on me,


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