Archive for October, 2017

And now the rest of the story…

Posted in Uncategorized on October 23, 2017 by cerebralpunishment

Before I get in to anything too deep, I want to take a second to thank everyone taking the time to read this.  You took the time to notice my original post on FB, and now you are taking time out of your busy day to find out the “why’s”.  So, as the cool kids say, here’s the “haps”.

I have decided to step away from comedy for three reasons.  I will lead with the least important of the three, but I am going to start the explanation with a story. When I started doing stand-up 17 years ago, this was never really something I aspired to do.  I was talked into it, hit a lucky break, and actually started to enjoy it.   For a while, I was working for free as an MC at the Comedy Zone in St. Clairsville, Ohio.  I got to work with a ton of great road comics…all of which gave me awesome advice.  One particular comic said to me “if you can do this and keep your day job, do it.  Once this becomes “work”, and isn’t fun, it’s time to go”.  And he did…. he retired because other things were more important.

The bottom line is, I have grown to dislike the business.  It’s not fun, it’s not glamourous, and the “work” outweighs the “rewards”.   What passes for comedy today is nothing more than hate-filled, unoriginal, “progressive” drivel.  As a straight, white, conservative, male comic, it’s hard to find someone I even want to work with…. or work with me, for that matter.  Which leads to reason number two I am retiring…comics!

See, most comics are very self-serving, self-important assholes (I know, I used to be one).  They will be there if you want to offer them a gig…. but damnned if they ever return the favor.  I am still waiting on ANY of the people I paid to perform a show with me to offer me a PAYING gig in return.  Oh…sorry if I don’t want to give away my jokes for free at your Open Mic!!!  I busted my ass for 17 years in this business and paid my dues. I think I earned my compensation.   But what really sealed the deal was when I announced on FB that I was retiring for personal reasons.  Only one of my comedian friends took the time to call me to see if I was ok.  No other comics tried to talk me out of it, and none of them reached out to me to see if I was ok.  Seriously?!  “I don’t have time to message Brian… I got to work on that new Trump joke for the Open Mic on Thursday”. 

Quick side note…a special Fuck You to the “promoter/comedians” who contacted me for bookings then never got back to me.  In the past few months, I had two of these pricks ask me to send them my promotional material, so they could book me for shows.  I haven’t heard from either one.  They solicited me!!!!  Show some fucking professionalism!  Well, It’s good to know they now have access to my material.  So, if anyone is interested, I will gladly give you their names.  I want to make sure that if they are using my material, none of my fan base accidentally gives them any money!  Oh…and stand-up comedy “schools” are bullshit!…just sayin’.

The last reason is a little more important than my personal feelings about the business.  If you truly know me, you know I have been dealing with various health issues since I retired from my “day job”.  When I first started doing stand-up, I went out of my way to make sure my two careers didn’t cross paths.  Once I retired, I planned on focusing strictly on my comedy.  However, I started to notice that every time I geared up to do a big show, it would make the leftover health problems from my previous career worse.  Bottom line, for my physical and mental health, it’s time to be done.  It’s telling fucking jokes…it shouldn’t be stressful!   

As I said, I will still do the occasional fund raiser for the right organization.  If you have a veteran’s group that would like to raise money, I would be glad to help (however, I am still not at the independently wealthy stage where I can work for free, lol). 

So, there’s the rest of the story.  The comments you left on FB when I originally announced my retirement meant more than you know.  Maybe I will change my mind in the future, but for right now, I am stepping back.  I promise I will get off my ass and start updating my website again, so at least if I am not performing, I will keep writing.   With that, please feel free to drop me a line, or leave a compliment (or criticism).  Oh, and I do ask one favor…. if you did read this, leave a comment on the FB page…the self-important comedian in me still likes to know people are listening!!!!!

Till next time…drinks are on me!