2010 New Year Resolutions (Late Edition)

Well, one of my first New Year’s Resolutions was going to be “update my site in a more timely manner”, but as you can see by the date, that one has already gone out the window. I do, however, have a few more that I plan on keeping. So, here’s what Brian is going to do in 2010.

– In keeping up with current technology, all my live shows will now be in 3-D.

– Last year, I made a resolution to bring back the words “Nefarious” and “Skullduggery”. This year, I am making up a new phrase that I want you all to use. For now on, instead of saying “you got screwed/fucked over” you will now say “You got Pine’d”. Anyone who was in Altoona last year knows EXACTLY what this means.

– I am going to embrace “Change” and “Hope”. I will take the “Change” the government has left me after taxes and “Hope” to buy a winning lottery ticket with it.

– I will come to terms with that fact that life is not just one long episode of “Scrubs”. However, I will continue to believe that Dr. Perry Cox, is indeed a Prophet and He will lead us into the Promised Land.

– I will finish establishing the First Church Of Brian-Tology. Remember, membership is just an email away.

– I am going to make people realize that Hockey is the greatest sport in the world. And staying with the world of sports, I will continue my war against ESPN and not rest until Colin Cowherd, Steven A. Smith, Mike Wilbon, Tony Kornheiser, and Mike Greenberg are all unemployed.

– This one might hurt but……I will no longer tolerate people who come up to me and say “you should use this (insert lame story/joke/anecdote here) in your act”. At this point, you will have my undivided attention…and will you most likely not appreciate my response. There are certain people who are exempt from this rule, but they already know who they are. The rest of you, heed above warning.

– I am going to make the United States a better place….as soon as I can figure out how to saw Maryland/Washington D.C. off the continent and float it over to Europe.

So, that’s what I got. Let me know what you think. Happy 2010 to everyone!

Till next time…drinks are on me,


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